~current mood: blah/in thought/upset/angry~

For some reason today I feel so negative. Probably doesn't seem like it.. but I do, practically every day as if it were whatever. & I hate the word whatever, almost as much as I hate the word forever. (LOL RHYME) Mmm serious though. I like to hide what I feel... if I do make it obvious, then it's probably not what I really want/feel. I don't like people feeling pity for me.. I hate that feeling, and I only tell so much to others. There's a point that I stop speaking before they call me crazy. The really close ones to me actually go beyond that point.. going onward to know the truth. Apart from that I hate talking about feelings cause I feel that I'm boring/annoying the other person with things that are bothering me. Thus, I turn to alcohol :D then everyone and anyone I could speak too cause I won't feel so ashamed. Ahhh so bad, ANYWAYS, another reason as to why I feel so blah, etc. is cause yesterday my parents + cousins crushed my dreams of going to Vancouver. What a bummer.. I'm more upset than I think they really know. Talking to me "realistically" about things showed me that dreams aren't enough to get you through. Neither is hope, will, effort or support. I felt that going to Vancouver would have helped me in so many ways, I was willing to give everything and anything, I was going to finally be independent. (Hm, is that it?), PLUS this "it" thing is bothering me too. Wtfux, I hate this. WHY -_-
On a positive note however, I felt really helpful today on the phone w/ some lady xD so lame but she made me feel good inside for some reason... and and and @ work I was very patient with many customers :D apart from that six hour high light of my day, today was fail and I'm glad its over. (Y)